


For Years Or For Hours

by Lilith_Child



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Dissociation, Hinted sexual abuse, Non-Graphic Violence, POV Second Person, Standard Winter Soldier Warnings Apply, alexander pierce is a terrible person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:44:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5505194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilith_Child/pseuds/Lilith_Child
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“I’m not going to fight you,” the target says, and you know that it will make him all the easier to kill.<i></i></i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Or: Bucky Barnes on the helicarrier.</i>
  </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Years Or For Hours

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, and all mistakes are mine.
> 
> The title comes from the Hozier song _In a Week _.__

You watch the man from the bridge — the target — as he struggles back to his feet. He has dropped the shield into the waters of the Potomac, giving away his only weapon. He will be easy to eliminate.

“I’m not going to fight you,” the target says, and you know that it will make him all the easier to kill.

“You’re my friend,” he says, and the sound of glass scraping against itself screeches through your head. Make it stop! The thought is only half-formed in your mind, and it unnerves you, because you do not have thoughts, only observations.

You swing your metal fist into the man’s face. Your arm is jerkier than it should be, because the half-remembered Widow short-circuited it, and the technicians did not fully fix you.

He is bleeding — your fist split his skin — but still he won’t stop talking. “Your name —,” he starts, and you slam into him again, _terrified, _but he continues anyway, “is James Buchannan Barnes.”__

__The glass in your head _screams, _and you want to cover your ears, but you don’t, because that instinct was trained out of you a very long time ago.___ _

____When the shrieking lessens, you look at the man on the bridge again, but he is not there. Instead there is a small blond man wearing his face. His nose is bleeding and his lip is split, and he tells you, “I had him on the ropes.” He trusts you._ _ _ _

____You know this the way you know twenty-seven different ways to kill someone with a paperclip, the way you know exactly where the nine hundred forty-two HYDRA safe houses are in the United States, the way you know that the head technician always wears a bow tie._ _ _ _

____The way you know that you are not a person._ _ _ _

____Then the small man is gone, the man on the bridge is on his knees, and he says, “Do it,” and you look at him and you know that you can’t, shrieking glass or no shrieking glass, Secretary or no Secretary, betrayal or betrayal._ _ _ _

____You are always betraying someone, with your choices. That’s why you aren’t supposed to have them. But now you do._ _ _ _

____Your eyes are leaking, and you don’t know how to choose. Your arm is raised and you keep it there, but you don’t bring it forward._ _ _ _

____Before you can decide — _decide! _—the man falls. When your vision clears and you can breathe again, you find that you are jumping after him. You hit the water and swim downward, hindered by your boots and tac gear and your malfunctioning arm. But you need to do this, even if you don’t know why, so you press on.___ _ _ _

______You drag him to the riverbank and you lay him down and watch him until he starts to breathe again. You listen to the sirens that are not in your head, and you know that you need to leave._ _ _ _ _ _

______Someone will find the man, and someone is lying. “You are my friend. Your name is James Buchannan Barnes,” the man had said. “You are my Soldier. Such a good boy, aren’t you?” the Secretary had told you._ _ _ _ _ _

______Someone is lying._ _ _ _ _ _

______You need to hide. You need to learn the truth. You need a change of clothes._ _ _ _ _ _

______There is a ping in your mind. _Mission accepted? _Something that sounds like your voice asks.___ _ _ _ _ _

_________Confirm, _you reply.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________You have a mission. It’s time to move._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
